10 Things People Don’t Tell You About Marathon Training

In the coming weeks (or months, considering my typical blog schedule) I will chronicle the sequence of events that took place on and leading up to the fateful day of January 14, 2024. I will detail the glory of crossing the marathon finish line and the brutal humbling that took place mere minutes prior. I will retell the epic of Homer proportions as I placed one foot in front of the next, ABBA blasting full volume in my ears, tracing the footsteps of the legendary Phidippides who came before me. 

Today, however, is not the day for that saga. Today is for something more practical. Down-to-Earth. Of the people.

A Story of the People

As most good stories do, this one begins in the time immediately following a questionable decision, aka the morning after I signed up for a marathon. I had yet to even fully wipe the sleep from my eyes and I was already knee deep in research, as any self-respecting try-hard would be immediately after committing to something way beyond their depth. And I was thorough. If there was an article titled “Tips for Running a Marathon,” I promise you I read it.

I read about the proper hydration strategy, what type of clothes to wear, how many mantras to memorize, what type of shoes to buy, the differences between Garmins and Apple watches, how to pace my long runs, and for the love of all things good gels or chews? (chews, the correct answer is chews). These articles were helpful, indispensable even, for preparing me for the actual running part of this endeavor.  

What they didn’t prepare me for was everything else. All the things people don’t tell you about training for a marathon. Today, humble reader, I have put pen to paper to prepare this list for you, to help marathon hopefuls in the coming ages prepare for the unpreparable. 

Things People Don’t Tell You About Marathon Training

1. The Laundry

I put this one first because in all the guides I read online prior to training, this never came up and yet I feel it to be a VERY LARGE part of marathon training. I have never done more laundry than during the 18 weeks between September and January. And it’s not normal laundry, it’s “these things have been through 18 miles and 7 layers of hell” laundry. Buy the bougie scent pellets, it’s worth it. 

2. The Packing

Anytime you pack a suitcase during training, reserve at least half of it for workout clothes. You think I’m kidding; I went home for Christmas, I had to plan for ten different runs in addition to my normal clothing. This doesn’t even include the chew packs, protein bars, vest (see # 4), and Hokas that are clouds on your feet but bowling balls in your suitcase.

3. The Body

Per my extensive research, I knew exactly (almost exactly) what I was about to put my body through when I began this journey. Soreness, fatigue, shin splints, random body pains; I was ready. What no one told me about were what I like to call the “Tier 2” body inflictions. Examples, you ask? It’s been three and a half months post-race and I have still not worn open-toed shoes for fear of people seeing the decimated state of my toenails. I woke up with an itchy underarm rash one day that, like an overbearing friend, never quite got the hint that it wasn’t welcome. I’m the palest person you’ll meet and even I got gnarly running sock tan lines. And let’s not even talk about my poor, poor, overwashed hair. 

4. The Vest

Now this one I will concede and say plenty of well-researched articles exist concerning the benefits of a running vest. The purpose of this is to kindly suggest not to wait 14 weeks into an 18 week training cycle to do so. 16 miles with a plastic water bottle in your hand and it’s not the pain in your legs you’ll be thinking about, it’s your THUMBS. Whatever you pay now will save you in doctor’s fees for carpal tunnel down the line. 

5. The Algorithm

Sounds like the name of a new Taylor Swift TTPD song. It’s not. It’s the thing on Spotify that plays embarrassing songs when you have aux in the car with your friends. You just keep saying, “I don’t normally listen to this; it’s on my running playlist,” but by the 5th time, it begins to ring hollow. Marathon training music is a unique subgenre that must unleash a primal instinct buried deep in your soul to persist when everything else is screaming to stop. Your Daily Mixes will never be the same.

6. The Diet

While there are plenty of articles, Instagram reels, and guides with varying degrees of credibility that outline the perfect marathon training dietary plan, the part that caught me off guard was the sheer amount of food I needed to consume. Or rather, the sheer amount of food I didn’t consume, and then consequently paid the price. As dumb as it sounds now, it didn’t occur to me that I would need to change my current eating habits to adapt to this new lifestyle, despite my activity levels increasing tenfold. Anyone who knows me knows I wasn’t exactly starting off in a winning place to begin with either #girldinner. Your nutrition should be just as much a part of your training plan as your runs, and this is something I will take much more seriously if I ever do a distance race again. 

7. The Mindset

There’s so much I could write about this, from the mental health benefits, the strength to push on when everything is telling you to stop, being the insufferable person who only talks about running, etc. I think what impacted me the most, though, was that for the first time in a long time I was not exercising because I knew it was something I should do, or to make my body look a certain way. I wasn’t trying to lose anything, in fact it was quite the opposite. Food was fuel, exercise was strength, sleep was recovery, and together they were all tools to accomplish this big, crazy, wild goal I was chasing. I could write a whole post about this, but ultimately it rewired so much of what I had been trained to believe about health and fitness in the best way possible.

8. The Outcome

Once you cross the finish line of a distance race, you have irrefutable evidence that you are capable of hard, seemingly impossible, things. Armed with this knowledge, every challenge that follows seems infinitely more manageable. You just have to take one look at that medal to remind yourself a) it was not a fever dream and b) to that you are that girl. And that is a superpower no one can ever take away from you.

9. The Food

Goldfish crackers are God’s gift to the universe, electrolyte drinks are a non-negotiable, and under no circumstances should you eat birria tacos the night before a 20 mile long run. That is all I have to say on this subject.

10. The State Song

In 5th grade we were taught a song to help us memorize all of the states. It went something like this:

Give me a C-O-W, COW!, California, Oregon, Washington, IN!, Idaho, Nevada, Mommy Why Can’t Nanny Tie?, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas…

And it is exactly as annoying as it sounds. The final thing on my list of things I didn’t know about marathon training is the magnitude of the role this stupid song would play in my training experience.

There were multiple occasions throughout the cycle that I would have headphone malfunctions. For reasons unbeknownst to me, every time this happened the only, and I mean the only, song that I could remember the words to was The State Song. Every single time. So for the duration of my run I would just sing this song, on repeat, for as long as my run lasted. I would sing it fast, I would sing it slow. I would rap it, I would sing it in Opera notes. For all its flaws, this song was with me through my lowest lows, and for that I will be eternally thankful. And also annoyed that it couldn’t have been literally any other song in existence.

In Closing

I will keep my final thoughts brief in saying, for a goal-motivated person, marathon training is one of the coolest things you can do. I loved who I was during that time and I loved witnessing the mental and physical transformation that came from 18 weeks of dedication and consistency. You can do all the research in the world, but it’s impossible to know exactly what it’s like until you take the plunge and embark on your own journey.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll swear to yourself and anyone who will listen that you will never, ever, ever do it again. But then you’ll start to think, “if I did it again, which I’m NOT, I would do this differently.” Then you write a blog post about it, but it still doesn’t mean anything. And then your friend asks you to enter the lottery for a VERY BIG marathon she’s signing up for, and you do it because there’s no way you’ll actually get chosen. And then you sign up for another half marathon just in case you get chosen for the full marathon.

And just like that, you’re back down the rabbit hole.

But all hypothetically, of course. Because I would never do any of that.