Ireland Vol. 4: A Tale of Bugs and Castles

I swallowed a fly this morning.

I was on a run and it was drizzling a little bit more than expected, which was the perfect setting for the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song reaching a crescendo in my ears. Minding my own business, I was huffing and puffing in the drizzle when the next thing you know, a fly made a beeline straight for my throat.

Before I even realized what was happening, Mr. Fly had successfully lodged himself in my esophagus. I stopped for a second, genuinely unsure of how to proceed with the situation.

I could feel the little bugger (pun intended) in there, and while it grossed me out to swallow him, it was better than the alternative of him flying back out of my mouth. So, I decided to continue my run, aggressively swallowing at regular intervals to get him out of my throat and by extension out of my mind.

Nothing bad really came of it, I just thought I would share.

Little Roommate Friends

Speaking of flies, one of the fun quirks about my living situation is what I like to call my little roommate friends. You know in Cinderella when she sings a song and all the cute little forest creatures come and help her with her chores? I wouldn’t say my situation is quite like that. Think more, Amy Adams in Enchanted when she does the same song-like call and is flocked by pigeons and street rats, except in my case it’s slugs, bees, and a whole lot of spiders. My little roommate friends.

Honestly, it’s the closest I’ve ever felt to being a Disney princess.  

7/27/22

To continue the princess theme: I know I have mentioned multiple times that I live very close to a castle. Like a 3-minute walk, if that. Up until Wednesday, it was completely shrouded in mystery – a mythical Queen resting upon her lands, closed to the lowly laypersons (such as myself) who dwelled in her fringes.

The veil of intrigue was lifted when Handyman was able to get the group a reservation to eat dinner there for a night, furthering my Disney princess reality. The night commenced at the bar within the castle, complete with old oak paneling, regal, comfy chairs, and a picturesque view of the pastures beyond.

I ordered a glass of champagne because I was feeling  ~fancy~.

We were then escorted into a more formal dining room where we began our eating extravaganza. It was a four-course meal, and you know it was legit because they brought out sorbet in between courses to cleanse thy palate. And thy palate it cleansed.

 While the food was what you would expect from a castle, the best part by far was the company. Our group of six sat around the table telling stories, laughing, debating, and discussing until the waitress finally came and told us they had to begin setting the table for breakfast. Was I a zombie at work the next morning? Yes. Was it worth it to pretend for a night that I lived in a castle instead of the horse stable next door? Absolutely. I felt like the real Cinderella, minus the prince charming.

7/30/22

My castle adventures did not stop at Markree, however. In the span of the week I got the opportunity to visit two more castles. I’m starting to think castles to the Irish are like Wal-Marts to Americans – they’re on every street corner and they smell like they’ve been there for 100’s of years. But yet, I am getting ahead of myself, allow me to take a few steps back.

A Few Steps Back

This past weekend was an Irish Bank Holiday, which means everyone got the day off work because… honestly, I’m not even sure why we had the day off. They don’t need a reason for their holidays like we do, they just slap Bank Holiday on the calendar and call it a day. I’m here for it.

 So we had a three-day weekend we wanted to make the most of it. Pasta Protector went to visit her cousin in London, IrelandJackie2022 and Sheepy Boy traveled to Frankfurt, Handyman and Ethan (nickname pending) explored Belfast, Salt n’ Peppa went on a climbing trip in Donegal, which finally left Chappie and myself.

When our original trip to Italy fell through, we pivoted to something even better… County Cork! This may sound a little, say, less exotic than the Clooney-frequented Lake Como, but I assure you Chappie and I made the most of our girls trip.

Girls Trip!

We began the weekend with a 4.5-hour drive down to the cute little town of Kinsale on the Southern coast of Ireland. It was a disappointing start as I stopped at two different Starbucks in search of the (apparently) elusive Sweet Cream Vanilla Cold Brew. Without going into too much detail, it was a hard pill of reality to swallow (along with a bad Americano) that I will have to survive the year sans quality cold brew.

Kinsale Day 1

Things picked up quickly when we arrived in Kinsale with a food-spa sandwich consisting of two Michelin rated restaurants – Fishy Fishy and Max’s – on either side of a trip to the spa, where we got a really great deal on a summer special package. Let me paint the picture for you:

We arrive in town, ready to make the most of the weekend. We park. We realize we need to pay for parking. We realize it only takes coins. We realize we don’t have any coins. We search for a place to exchange our coins and find ourselves in a casino.  We quickly lose some of the money we exchanged for parking on the slot machines and then, finally, decide its best to get on with our day.

Chappie and I ate at Fishy Fishy, and both had…steak. I’m kidding, that would be dumb. We had fish, and for someone who doesn’t even like fish, I was pleasantly surprised to find I really enjoyed my meal. I guess those Michelin people actually know what they’re talking about. Weird.

The Le-Sure Club

From there, we went to the spa. No, sorry, we went to the Leisure Club (pronounced le-sure club) at the hotel first, which, if someone told you was actually the pool area of a high school gym, you would probably be like, “yeah that checks out.” We jacuzzed, we steamed, and we saunaed until we were properly dehydrated and ready for our massages. The massage would have been great except I am The World’s Most Ticklish Person, so it really just consisted of me continually flinching and then the masseuse and I both pretending nothing was wrong. The second part of the package was 30 minutes on a dry flotation bed. I think the point was for you to feel like you were floating. I just fell asleep.

Rounding out the day of le-sure, we went to Max’s where we both agreed the food, the company, and the ambiance was top notch.

7/30/22

Sunday brought unexpected beautiful weather and a trip to castle #2, where we had brunch. To be honest there isn’t much to write about castle #2 except a) it was a castle and b) the restaurant next to it had pretty good brunch.

After a quick and frankly underwhelming walk through the city of Cork, we finally made it to the star of the weekend, the Blarney Castle, famous for the aptly titled Blarney Stone. Legend has it a Mr. MacCarthy of Irish history had a speech impediment and needed to persuade Queen Elizabeth I about something that I do not remember. MacCarthy then does a favor for a witch, who in turn gives him a magic stone. Anyone who kisses the stone receives the gift of eloquent speech, ultimately healing the McCarthster of his stutter and helping him woo the Queen. I apologize deeply to anyone I offend by my terrible memory and consequently awful retelling of a really cool legend.

Naturally, though, as a ~blogger~ eloquent speech is in my best interest, so I was pretty pumped to do the thing and kiss the stone.

The Infamous Blarney Stone

There was a pretty long line to get to the stone and Chappie and I both agreed it felt like we were at Disneyland. Wow, I’m really on one with the Disney thing today. Anyways. You started outside on the grounds, and then the line led you through the castle and into a spiral staircase which was narrow, steep, and completely made of stone. There was a single rope that ran down the center of it for you to hold onto, but other than that you were on your own. Occasionally, there was a cutout in the stone wall to show you just how high up you were. The worst part of it all was that you couldn’t just walk straight up the stairs, you were still waiting in line. Every step you took up, you had a minute or so to stand and dwell on your precarious situation.

Full disclosure, I am pretty scared of heights and have dealt with my fair share of anxiety throughout my life. I am also the type of person who never likes to back down from a challenge and hates, more than anything, quitting. It’s a fun mix. So about three-quarters up the staircase, I knew I was nearing trouble. With my heart pounding and my mouth getting dry, I could feel the effects of the anxiety starting to settle in.

Side note: I know my writing style sometimes leans towards the dramatic (who doesn’t like a little drama in their life?), but I think I owe it to this situation to tell it exactly how it went down.

How It Went Down

I could feel the panic rising just a little bit. It was less about the current situation, more about the unknown waiting for me at the top of the stairs. I was afraid that I would push through only to find something worse and scarier, and then be past the point of return. I was scared of a full-blown panic attack.

I made the split-second decision to remove myself from the situation and retreat back down the stairs, which wasn’t an easy task in itself as it was full of people. I will say though, every one of them was extremely kind to me, one even offering to hold my hand as I went back down.

Immediately after I exited the castle I was furious with myself. It’s very easy when you’re in fresh air and on solid ground to think, “I could’ve done it, I should’ve just pushed through.” But when you’re up there, in the moment, the physiological effects of anxiety clouding your judgment, it’s not quite so simple.

As soon as Chappie made it down, though, I knew I made the right call. Seeing her pictures of the top of the castle, of her kissing the stone, I got instant validation in my decision. There was absolutely no way I would’ve been able to do that. I mean you have to lean backwards over a bar to reach the stone. That was a definite no from me, but I was proud of her for going through with it.

Chap’s Miles and Smiles

So no, I did not kiss the Blarney stone, which tells you two things: a) the answer to my Instagram post and b) that you will have to deal with my ineloquent blog posts for the rest of eternity. Sorry. We may have to change the name of the blog to Chap’s Miles and Smiles since one of us got the gift of gab and it wasn’t me. It also tells you though, that dealing with anxiety is an ongoing battle, and even when you think you have a handle on it, it will show up kind of whenever it wants to. It’s about small progress and Plan B’s. One weekend I’m posing on the edge of cliffs, and the next I can’t make it up a staircase. It happens.

And you know what? Chappie and I had the BEST afternoon exploring the ground of the castle, walking by the lake, and taking some bomb Instagram photos that by the end of it I didn’t even remember that I didn’t kiss the stone.

We ended the evening with some pretty darn good pizza (PDGP for short), and a good, hard sleep.

8/1/22

The trip ended as all good trips do, with brunch. A small café we stumbled upon in Kinsale outshone all the Michelin restaurants of prior with some really great avocado toast. Chappie and me, true Californians. We embarked on the drive back to Sligo in the pouring rain, only getting lost once, and finally made it home. This bring us to now, as I write this post. It also brings us to list time!!

The Definitive Ranking of All the Food Consumed by Megan and Chappie This Weekend:

1. O’Herlihy’s Café
   • Meal: Brunch
   • Location: Kinsale
   • Megan/Chappie Rating: 10/10
   • Recommendation: Salmon and Smashed Avo Toast
2. Burnt
   • Meal: Dinner/Pizza
   • Location: Cork
   • M/C Rating: 9/10
   • Recommendation: The one with Proper 12 Whiskey in the crust
3. Max’s
   • Meal: Dinner
   • Location: Kinsale
   • M/C Rating: 8.5/10
   • Recommendation: Pork Belly
4. Fishy Fishy
   • Meal: Lunch
   • Location: Kinsale
   • M/C Rating: 7.5/10
   • Recommendation: Yellowfin Tuna
5. The Castle Café
   • Meal: Brunch
   • Location: Cork
   • M/C Rating: 7.5/10
   • Recommendation: Shakshuka
6. The Muffin I ate at Blarney Castle
   • Meal: Snack
   • Location: Blarney Castle
   • M Rating: 3/10
   • Recommendation: Don’t get it